The Enemy of the Bird is my Friend
by MikeJaffa
Summary: A tribute to Family Guy's Office Space Parody.


TITLE: The Enemy of the Bird is My Friend  
AUTHOR: MikeJaffa  
SYNOPSIS: A tribute to Family Guy and that scene in Office Space  
DISCLAIMER: Doctor Who is owned by the BBC. I am making no money off posting this fic.  
AUTHOR'S NOTE AND WARNING: This is a product of what I call my Silly Muse. If it has hit the mark, you will not want to be eating or drinking while you read this.

8

8

8

8

Amy stammered, "Wait a minute, weren't there four of them?"

"Yeah," Rory said, "the one with the backpack. Where did she get to?"

The Doctor was focused on trying to use his sonic screwdriver to keep the night club's dance floor lights on. "Well, maybe one decided she was full and would let her friends split us!"

There was no way to look at the situation the Doctor, Amy, Rory, and River found themselves in and not think This Is The End. In Ottawa, Canada, in the early 2000s, a quartet of weeping angels had chased them all over town. The only thing noteworthy about this particular group of angels was one of them had a large backpack on. It didn't minimize their threat. They'd tried to escape through a closed nightclub but the angels had outflanked them. And now they were cornered at the edge of the dance floor with no way out.

The Doctor was trying to feed power to the dance floor lights, but the lights kept blinking, and now the screwdriver was beginning to give out. The three angels kept advancing in between blinks with their fangs showing and arms extending. Only inches to go before the Doctor and his three companions were lost to time forever.

Then the sound system hummed.

The lights blinked and the angels hadn't moved, but their ferocity had faded slightly. One of the trio was looking over her shoulder.

Then they heard the scratch made by a record needle touching a record on a turntable.

And then the strains of The Trashmen's "Surfin' Bird" blasted out of the sound system.

The Doctor grinned. Amy, River, and Rory winced. River lamented, "Oh, no! And I just finished scrubbing the audio file out of the Tardis' matrix." In spite of traveling time and space for uncounted centuries, the Doctor had only just recently stumbled on "Surfin' Bird" and had proclaimed it the coolest song ever, and had played it at every opportunity. Rory, Amy, and River had finally got rid of his precious 45 rpm record…but not before he'd copied the audio file into the Tardis' Matrix.

The lights blinked, and suddenly the remaining angel was in the middle of the dance floor, doing the "Surfin' Bird" dance in between light flashes. The other angels had dropped their arms, losing all interest in hunting, their now-human-again features showing exasperation.

"Cool!" the Doctor said. "An angel after my own heart." He weaved around the other three angles and started to dance with the fourth one. Even though the angel was still when the lights were on, she seemed to be keeping pace with the Doctor. The two mortal enemies seemed to be having a lot of fun together.

The same could not be said for the other six sentient beings in the room.

River strolled over to one of the other three angels and smiled. "Excuse me," she said, "but we seem to have a common enemy. Might I suggest we come to a mutually beneficial arrangement?"

The lights dimmed. When the lights came back up, the angel as looking at her, the look on her face silently saying, 'Tell me more.'

8

8

They closed the deal in an open field on the outskirts of town. Though sunny, cumulous clouds filled the sky.

As the Doctor looked on from the Tardis, looking thoroughly disgusted, River approached the lead angel, holding a small ampule with a glowing substance in it. "As agreed," she said with a smile, "twelve micrograms of time plasma from the Tardis. The Doctor estimates that this should keep you lot going for three hundred years without feeding on any humans, by which time human science should reach the point where you find an alternative. Spoiler alert: You'll want to be in Geneva." She dropped the ampule into the angel's hand. Two of the others had a baseball bat and the fourth's precious "Surfin' Bird" 45 rpm.

River accepted them. "My end of the bargain. And I've been looking forward to this."

She traded nods with Rory and Amy. They dropped the record onto the ground and loomed over it. River held back and watched her parents kick and stomp the record. Then she handed Rory the baseball bat. Rory attacked the remains with a few mighty swings. Then he handed it to Amy. She nailed what was left of the record with the bat's butt end, but then tossed the bat aside and started hitting it with her fists. She seemed to have gone out of control.

Rory and River pulled her off it. "I'm fine," Amy said. "Really." But she got out of their grip and rained more punches on the record before Rory and River pulled her off.

At the Tardis door, River smiled at the angels. "Pleasure doing business with you."

8

8

When the Doctor had the Tardis in flight, River said, "So, family, where were we headed before all that unpleasantness started?"

"The planet Barcelona," the Doctor said, "just as soon as I get another Surfin' Bird record."

River put her foot down. "Oh, no, you won't!"

"You don't have to come along," the Doctor said. "None of you have to travel with me; I don't force you through those doors. And I've had one or two stowaways in my time, thanks for asking. I can drop you wherever. This is my ship, and I am her captain, and as captain, I say we are not going to Barcelona until after I get another copy of Surfin' Bird!"

The Doctor hauled over the main control lever. All the lights went out and the time rotor went silent.

The Doctor lamented, "Clearly, I am surrounded by music haters."

River deadpanned, "You can't see it, but I'm crying for you. Really. Honest."

Amy cleared her throat. "So, you were saying?"

"I was saying," the Doctor said, "we are going directly to Barcelona, and I will never bring another copy of Surfin' Bird into the Tardis as long as I live."

THE END


End file.
